How to Ask People to Do Things for YouSo, how do you get people to do stuff for you? Well, there are a few aspects to this. The first thing we need to talk about is your choice of asking words.
When talking to your seniors (or clients), use these words:
- I propose that...
- It is proposed that...
- You are requested to...
- I request that you...
- It is requested that...
- You are to...
- Bill is to...
There are dozens of ways of asking people to do stuff, but the list above will hopefully take the thinking out of it for you. If the whole list doesn't seem right for you (e.g., it's too proscriptive or unnatural sounding), then just remember this: If you are talking to someone senior or a client whom you can't afford to rankle, then propose something. It's clear. It's polite. It's business-like. It's a great word. But expect them to take your proposal, make it their own, call it their own and then do it. From your perspective, job done.
Thank Them, Praise Them, Agree with Them and then Influence ThemCrowbarring your request or your opinion into other people's busy lives is difficult because you have to overcome their natural resistance to run with your idea (as opposed to theirs) or to do something new.
We've got a whole section on biases, which covers why people like their own ideas and why they are resistant to new ideas, so we won't dive into that here. What we are going to look at though is how to make them think they're running with their idea and not yours. Look at this quotation:
"Everyone is in love with his own ideas."
(Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, 1875–1961)
In my experience, that's accurate. It's why people work more enthusiastically on their own ideas than others' ideas. So, how can you divert their enthusiasm on to your idea? Easy. Do one of the following:
- Make them think their idea is contributing to your idea. You: We need to move that horse manure from the boss's car-parking space. Has anyone got any ideas?
- Make them think your idea is contributing towards their idea. You: Would you like to use that horse manure in the boss's car-parking space for that rose garden you were talking about?
- Make them think your idea was their idea. You: We'd probably get a fiver from the garden centre for all that horse manure in the boss's car-parking space.
- Thank you for your idea/work…
- Your idea/work was really useful…
- We agree with your idea/work…
- We liked your idea/work…
- We can develop this to [do what I want to do].
- We can use this to inform [the stuff I want to do].
- This aligns well with [what I want to do].
- One observation is that [it's not what I want to do] so we might need to tweak that bit.
- I have been thinking about your idea, and it could support [the stuff I want to do].
- Your idea would also help the company [do what I want to do].
Johnny: We could use that bucket in the coffee room.
You: Great idea. Off you pop.
You: Great. Help yourself to all of it.
Johnny: We could use it on the rose bed.
You: Great idea. Off you pop.
How do think Johnny would feel if you said: "Johnny, can you use that bucket in the coffee room to move that horse shit from the boss's car-parking space to your rose garden?" It's my bet that, if he did it at all, it would be with less enthusiasm than in any of the scenarios above. Obviously, this is a made-up simple scenario, but I believe the lesson is a good one. I don't really see this "influence dance" happening over a three-sentence conversation like the ones above.
In some jobs, they can last months and involve dozens of correspondence exchanges. Unless your idea is an obvious solution which no one else has thought of (often called a "silver bullet") or a Eureka-moment gem, you could spend hours debating the merits of your idea to achieve buy-in, and you probably will. Remember, everyone loves his own idea. Therefore, they won't love yours. So, you're not starting from a good position when trying to sell an idea. Of course, you can pay people or order people to carry out your ideas without bothering to shoehorn in their ideas, but I bet they take every second of every coffee break that's due to them and more if you do.
"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
(Computing pioneer Howard Aiken)
"The only people in the world who can change things are those who can sell ideas."
(American author Lois Wyse)
So, converting or aligning their ideas to yours is a great way to sell your idea. But how does this idea manifest itself in business writing? Well, early in the document, weave in lines of this nature:
"A mediocre idea that generates enthusiasm will go further than a great idea that inspires no one."
(American businesswoman Mary Kay Ash)
Stealing their enthusiasm for their idea is a sure way to generate the necessary enthusiasm for yours. None of the words offered above may be a perfect fit for your specific scenario, but the bottom line is this: recognise their efforts and then start moulding them towards your aim.